It ’s meter to check in on the investments made by Apple CEO Tim Cook in a section the Macalope likes to call …
Tim ’s Investments .
( Yeah , he just made this up , but would it stamp out you to play along ? )
As long - fourth dimension readers of this segment will think ( shh ) , the Macalope community provides this as afree serviceto Apple CEO Tim Cook to aid him good analyze the carrying out of his many investments . Sometimes it ’s as prominent as a crisp fabricating plant in Southeast Asia , sometimes as small as an electric soup-strainer he bought at Walgreens . ( That toothbrush wasterrible , by the elbow room . )
This time we are go bad to take a trivial spirit at an investment funds that Tim made earlier this yr to a certain incoming president ’s initiatory fund . Fora million dollar . Not to spoil the ending , but we will find that a million dollars does n’t go as far as it used to .
A million dollar is n’t a wad of money for state or for Apple or even for Tim Cook , who donated the amount from his personal coffers ( not a circle of masses know this but Tim keeps all his finances in actual solid boxwood ) . But it ’s a good - sized amount for an individual inaugural donation . The Macalope , for example , fall in far less . He gave zero dollars ( only because negative amount of money were apparently not allowable , so much for money representing legal free words ) .
disregardless of the optics ( “ ethics ” is such a bear down Son ) of trying to groom favor ( “ bribe ” is such a contaminating word ) with the high politician in the res publica , it does n’t seem like Tim get much of a restitution on his investment .
Let us review the outcome of this hebdomad through the magic of headlines .
“ Tariff News , April 2 , 2025 : Trump Unveils Sweeping Levies in Stark Shift in Trade Policy ”
You might think Apple would have gotten some special carve - out for Tim Cook ’s $ 1 million – but that was January ! That ’s everlastingly ago in thenar - greasing time ! What have you donatedlately ?
What do these tariffs mean for Apple , you know , the company that Cook is CEO of ?
“ A $ 2,300 Apple iPhone ? trumpet tariffs could make that encounter ”
And that ’s not foldable phones . That ’s regular ol’ flat phones . Although at prices like that , you might photograph one in one-half out of choler .
How is the company responding ?
“ How Apple ‘ flew ’ 5 flights full of iPhones from India and China in 3 days to amaze Trump Tariffs ”
That ’s how the market place is opine to act , right ? The invisible manus put the iPhones on the plane … then it flies the plane ? Sorry , the Macalope must have been out tired of that workweek of business organisation school .
IDG
But , hold off ! That ’s not all the forged news for Apple ! Whatelsedid Tim get for a million sawbuck ?
“ Apple Plunges 9 % , Leading a Tech Sell - Off ”
And that newspaper headline was from last Thursday . As of this authorship , Apple origin is down more than 18 percentage since the tariffs were announced , much like the rest of the market .
Just … do n’t reckon at your 401(k ) . Keep calculate at those Pokémon cards you never open up and are still in mint term . That ’s your real nest ballock now . And whatever internal organs you have to sell . extremity of your kinsfolk who are notnecessarilyyour dearie . Yoursoul . That variety of thing .
You ’ll be all right . It ’ll be all right . We ’ll be hunky-dory . You know who else will be okay ? Surprise twist .
See , the Macalope left out one newspaper headline that goesbeforethose other ace .
“ Apple CEO Tim Cook sell Stock Worth $ 24 Million ”
Must be nice .
The problem in these situations is that once you turn over the spigot full of favour on , all you’re able to do is keep the flow run . Good luck keeping up , Tim .
